There are those who fail to comprehend the true meaning not only behind freedom, but also behind independence. However, neither concept does justice to the experience of victims of abuse--for instance, the factors fueling the victims' respective decision-making process, together with their emotions when a controlling partner steals this freedom and independence from them. Defying logic, some even argue that a bully is justified to be angered by a partner as the reason that such a spouse becomes the victim. Absolutely rubbish!
Such misconceptions are not surprising since those who remain ignorant do not believe in God's grace. Moreover, they lack a wealth of life experiences and the wisdom to appreciate the negative experiences of others. Instead, they persist in passing judgment by conveying faulty advice based on their own fanatic religious beliefs as well as distorted and extreme views.
According to Maslow's hierarchy, people have five important needs: self-actualization, esteem, a sense of belonging and love, safety and security, and psychological factors. Self-actualization allows one to achieve a potential. Esteem gives one a sense of accomplishment and respect. A sense of belonging and love revolve around giving love and feeling loved, since one desires to participate in a meaningful activity or in an organized group. Safety is just that: the need for security. Psychological needs include food, water, rest, and warmth. In conclusion, all of these needs are significant and key to human life.
The goal of entering into any relationship involves having one's needs met, along with satisfying a spouse's needs. In fact, the primary purpose of marriage remains to spend the rest of one's life together with a loved one. Indeed, both parties ought to give and not just take, supporting one another both in good times and in times of illness, the very essence of the oath of marriage. Moreover, each relationship must be founded on respect, love, and understanding. Partners ought to learn to respect the needs of the other one, not only refraining from exerting control and thereby limiting the other person's life, but also demonstrating a willingness to make sacrifices.
However, in any relationship when one half of the partnership becomes abusive, the hierarchy of needs is shattered at the expense of the victim. Under such circumstances, the dominant and abusive spouse has a singular goal in satisfying his or her needs exclusively. Thus, the victim’s existence is entirely caged, with the needs for love, respect, inclusiveness, and self-actualization remaining unaddressed. The focus is completely governed by the bully’s needs for absolute control and manipulation, with the victim treated with utter disrespect, feeling unloved and at times not even permitted to study or work. With such a confined structure, the needs for belonging and for self-actualization lapse into disrepair and disregard. In other circumstances, the weaker and submissive partner is compelled to feel as if he or she is completely worthless, with a mere existence absolutely controlled financially through the imposition of strict limits. Often, the abuser depicts the victim as useless like junk thrown into the trash.
It should be of no surprise that most victims yearn for freedom and independence according to the following principles:
• Leading one’s daily life by doing what one pleases, not what is expected
• Pursuing one’s goals without fear of angry reprisal from the abusive partner
• The satisfaction and ability to be oneself
• Planning activities that nurture emotional development
If we define a partnership in terms of traditional marriage, indeed sharing life together with mutual love and patience are mandatory. Nonetheless, each spouse must focus on sacrifices without making these in a forced fashion but only by the person’s choice alone.
However, it is always the case that nothing in this world can justify a bully’s misconduct because God has not brought two human beings together merely for one to make the other’s life miserable, let alone engage in unremitting and ceaseless disrespect and vulgarity. In this way, if one spouse makes the conscious choice to remain abusive, the other should not be blamed for his or her actions. After all, God gave us the notion of will such that if one half of a partnership exercises it inappropriately and even to an extreme, the other half certainly ought not to be blamed or accused.
God always expects us to exert labor within a marriage, and where suitable making sacrifices for the sake of the family. The best course of action remains confronting your partner about precisely how he or she denigrates and debases you emotionally, demanding that this unnecessary, unwelcome, unwanted, and unwarranted behavior cease immediately and change for the better. Such change might include healing through counseling, always allowing space for your partner to adapt and transform. While it remains important to love by forgiving, starting over, accepting your spouse’s faults, and taking time to listen, one must never settle on viewing abusive tendencies as acceptable or as a mere fault. Bear in mind that any spouse willingly chooses his or her actions.
Yet, at times, such lashing out is a manifestation of the trigger of inner turmoil, in which case couples can work together to avoid these triggers by finding forgiveness with a desire to start over through change. Nonetheless, in the end, if the victim chooses to leave and walk away, this is not a sign that he or she does not love the other. It simply signifies that the victim has had enough and is saying “NO!” because of not only becoming exhausted at the persistent abuse, but also desiring to stand up for one’s rights by gaining respect in seeking to be treated as a fellow human being rather than as some sort of beast imprisoned at the local zoo.
Always remember that after a defined sense of time when the abusive spouse does not change, you have two options: either to carry the cross that God expects from all of us or to exit your negative situation and thrust it behind you well into the past by starting life anew, especially if the negativity affects children. At the end of the day, we humans must always put children’s needs first and foremost, always protecting them while at the same time doing what is best both for their emotional needs and for the parent’s own mental health and spiritual development.
In order to educate,entertain,give a hope and inspire I wrote Broken Chains.This books is not only for females but also for males. So please share this article and the book if you think it can help others. Do not forget to review and rate the book.Your feedback make a big difference. I always want to know what people think about my wriitngs.
As a moving piece of motivational fiction, at the heart of Broken Chains lies the core inspirational issue: How can one best live with a deep sense of inner freedom and independence? In setting up an intriguing novel of romance and family saga, the author starts with an encounter between the
parents of the protagonist that leads to a brief affair and an unwanted pregnancy. Esmira, the mother, raises her daughter alone under difficult circumstances. Once an adult, Silvana must confront the horrors of abusive relationships on her own. This is not only a page turner that serves as fundamental self-help to its readers, but also a deeply moving tale of one Azerbaijani woman's struggle to avoid the same fate that befell her mother. She flees Azerbaijan to an uncertain future. In addition, the novel serves as a gripping story of making sacrifices, overcoming suffering, finding true love, dealing with family conflicts, coping with inhumanity, finding redemption, and attaining liberty. Finally, this intriguing tale introduces readers to the exotic country of Azerbaijan, geographically located between spheres.